Control

It's beyond my control if others don't meet their deadlines, but I know I've done my work well. I can't get the approval of everybody, but that's okay as long as I know I was on my best behavior and used my best judgment. I can't control how strong the rain pours but I can decide to wake up earlier than usual and take the train to work. I need to choose my battles, and let go of the ones I can't control.

A colleague was telling me about the book Learned Optimism and she shared how it helped her through the toughest time in her life. The book helped her to ask two simple questions: Is it permanent? Is it within you control? If the answers are "no" to both, then it really shouldn't rob us of sleep or happiness (which is easier said than done, but it can be done).

I realize the idealistic control-freak in me still has a lot to learn. 

Flow

Today's vinyasa class helped me flow through the day and into an early restful evening. The goal: to keep the early morning energy and yoga glow throughout the week.

Gifts

I received several gifts today: brunch at my sister's, perfect weather for an afternoon nap, food to bring home with me, a massage, having a good laugh splashing in the rain with a friend, good company and conversation over a late dinner, and finally, peanut butter ice cream to end the day.

But they thanked me - for coming over, for preparing dinner (well, more like toasting bread!) and bringing out place mats, for the seemingly little things... when in reality, I should be thanking them for much bigger things: the gifts of sisterhood and friendship.

Spark

My question of the day: What's the first thing or image or emotion that comes to mind when you hear or see the word SPARK? Here are the responses I got from family and friends:

• Image: an electric spark. As for an emotion: it's like my heart's melting. Aside from an electric spark, if you feel a spark with a person or a certain object, that subject starts to glow? Or everything blurs in the background, or darkens a bit and the subject is the only thing in focus in HD.
• Excitement!
• Dark... and then there's a spark!
• Inspiration
• A matchstick lighting up
• John
• Hope
• Agree... it marks a start of something exciting
• Katy Perry. See her MTV of her single Fireworks.
• A-ha moments
• A flash of genius!
• The good kind of giddy

Let these words and phrases be the spark for an exciting creative project for work!

Alliteration

Focus. Filter. Forget. The top three tips from a trusty source: the McKinsey Quarterly on recovering from information overload. I started the day with this article and tried to internalize the three words. Yes, I need to focus on what's urgent today (or what was due a week ago) and planning for future key initiatives. I need to filter what is really necessary for me to do and what I can delegate. I need to forget my highly Approval Dependent and Perfectionistic self (sometimes).

As I reflected on this word on my walk home from the office, I realize I have an alliteration in my parallel personal life. I believe peanut butter ice cream is best for pity parties with girlfriends. When times are tough and PMS-ey emotions make us feel pretty pathetic, nothing beats the blues like a pint of Ben & Jerry's. It's a tiny step to turn Blah into Bliss, "Neh" into "Yeah!"... but those are words (or sounds) for another day.

Today's word was brought to you by the letters F and P. (Hee-hee.)

Skype

Yay! My dad is finally on Skype so we had a video chat tonight. It was so good to see my folks again. A little choppy on my iPhone; better on my PC but I don't have a Webcam (fail). I think it's really time to get that MacBook Air! (I read somewhere it's supposed to be the best gadget for a writer...)

It was a good way to end yet another long day. Here's to more Skype dates!

Aujourd'hui

Aujourd'hui, j'ai vu l'opera Carmen avec mon amie C. (Today, I watched the opera Carmen with my friend C.) "Aujourd-hui" was also the word that stood out in the famous aria Habanera.

Quand je vous aimerai?
Ma foi, je ne sais pas,
Peut-être jamais, peut-être demain.
Mais pas aujourd'hui, c'est certain

I have always enjoyed going to the theater, whether it's for stage plays or musicals or dance performances or yes, even opera. Carmen -- set in Seville, sung in French with English and Chinese subtitles, put on by the Singapore Lyric Opera with French and Korean singers as the leading lady and man -- is a tragedy but C and I couldn't help but giggle and even laugh out loud at certain parts. It was just too much like real life!

Most of us have heard Habanera and I think it's awesome to finally know what it's all about! Click here for the full lyrics.



If not today... then when?

Stretch

Stretched out in Twisted Roots pose in yin class, I felt my shoulder and chest open up in a way that I hadn't felt before. I couldn't help but think: What other parts of my body (and self) do I not stretch and open as much as I should?

Unfortunately, I am nowhere near my full range of motion.

Therapy

A vinyasa class to start my Sunday. Hymns sung in my own language. Comfort food and good conversation with dear cousins. Leisurely shopping without a list. A heated pack on my lower back and shoulders just before a massage. A cup of jasmine tea to end the day.

Inexplicable

Sometimes words escape me. I don't like feeling this way.

Reboot

There are days (or weeks) when you need to just shut down so that you can reboot to refresh and recharge, and get rid of a few bugs. What better way to reboot than in Etna, my favorite Italian restaurant?

Fresh mozzarella di bufala on rocket salad, osso bucco, seafood risotto, handmade pasta with prosciutto, lemon and extra virgin olive oil, and of course, the piece de resistance, pistachio tiramisu. All this (awesome food shared and enjoyed al fresco as the sky changed color, in the company of close friends over a bottle of red) definitely makes for a good Friday, and definitely a good way to end a long week.

I am ready to shut down and reboot.

Consolidate

Most of my day was spent consolidating bits of information from multiple sources and several documents into one revised, almost-final version. But just when I thought I had all the info I needed, another question would prop up and I had to send yet another email or make another calculation. Wouldn't things be so much quicker and easier if only I had all the answers? If I had all the pieces I needed?

It's the Perfectionist in me and yes, I do recognize that it is one of my derailers. I still need to get better at letting go and asking for help. So it is at work... and with life outside of the office as well.

To consolidate is "to bring together separate parts into a single or unified whole; unite; combine." But it is also "to discard the unused or unwanted items of and organize the remaining." So if I want to feel more consolidated or more pulled-together, which pieces of me do I keep, and which do I discard? Do I need to add more pieces? With so much going on in and out of work, I need to prioritize and choose my battles. And yes, ask for help.

Reassurance

It happens all the time: just when I'm in that 'blah' state or when I'm in the midst of questioning things or when I'm teetering on the brink of seeing things half-empty, I see one. A stray, lonely paperclip catches my eye and I feel like it was waiting for me to glance that way so I could see it... and smile inside. Today, just when I needed it, I saw a silver paperclip as I walked to the MRT.

I used to play a little childish game in my head. If I see a paperclip, then he loves me back. If I see a paperclip, everything will turn out fine. I somehow felt the paperclip was a tangible sign from the Universe; my guardian angel turned into a little piece of steel, a "God-Wink" sent from heaven to reassure me that indeed all things shall be well.

Well... he never loved me back, but every time I come across a random paperclip (and in 9 out of 10 trips to new places, I am bound to see at least one!), I allow myself to regress and live out my childish daydream. Or my childlike prayer. I know it's silly but seeing paperclips is really just reassuring. All shall be well. And all shall be well. And all manner of things shall be well.

Amen.

Satyam

Truth: one of the eight limbs of yoga. It was a word from last night's yin class which lingered in my mind throughout the day. The objective is to think only of truths and to live a truthful life. Get real. Be authentic. Magpaka-totoo ka.

If I go deep into my innermost self, am I living the most authentic Me as much as possible? Which parts or layers do I want to strip away? Am I being true to myself? (The answers will be captured in my journal, not in this blog!)

Yin

"In yin, we prepare the sacred spaces in our bodies so that we can create sacred shapes in our bodies and in our lives. Yin is preparation. Yang is creation. Both are integral for a full life!" (I got this awesome quote from one of my sister's best friends who is a yoga instructor.)

Thanks to my weekly yin yoga class, I can look forward to Monday nights. Seventy-five minutes of me-time in long, deep stretches, each held for at least 5-7 minutes. It can be uncomfortable like pigeon (I have a bad right knee); sometimes excruciatingly painful like toe stretch; others peaceful like caterpillar; but one is totally healing - my favorite, melting heart. And especially tonight after several days of a tight and tense upper back. I could feel my connective tissues sighing in relief and gratitude.

My heart is also grateful for this time to metaphorically melt, heal and prepare itself; to make space for the More that is to come, whatever or whoever that might be. (Yes, we had a bit of PH101/102 talk after class. Thanks, C and D!)

Namaste.

Easy

"...easy as Sunday morning..."

I had such a pleasant Sunday all to myself. I slept in until 11 a.m. (considering I was home before midnight on a Saturday night!) and had a bowl of granola before going to Mass. Then I had an awesome massage at the nearby spa - my neck feels so much better and I don't have the headaches from last night anymore! I walked back home slooooowly and enjoyed the afternoon breeze. I had a $4 lunch at the coffee shop at 4 p.m. I put in two loads of laundry while I uploaded photos in between cat naps and yoga stretches. Before I knew it, my sister came by with my dad's yummy homemade raisin bread and I had two slices with chunky peanut butter. I got into my pajamas by 10 p.m. hoping I can wake up bright and early to start Monday off on the right foot.

Easy-peasy. Easy-going. Easy to please. Easily enjoyed. Easy as Sunday.

Hair

I spent more than three hours (and way too much money, haha) in the salon today. I had my hair shampooed, conditioned, towel-dried, trimmed, relaxed, steamed, rinsed, treated, rinsed again, steamed again, dried, styled... and voila! I can finally let my hair down!

I love how calm and gentle my stylist is. I love how he studies my hair oh-so-carefully before snipping away. Calvin, you rock!

Cusp

I always thought it was cool how some horoscopes had me as a Taurus, others as a Gemini. Of course I'd just choose the better one for that particular day! Then I learned that there was such a thing as a cusp. I guess I'm a perfect Taurus-Gemini cusp as I was born at the stroke of midnight. Then the news just came in today that there is a new 13th zodiac sign which bumps up all the other signs. So the final verdict: I'm still under the Taurus sign!

Cusp is a great word though. It's neither here nor there; teetering on the edge; lingering in two places; being comfortably stuck in between places, things, spaces; a happy limbo. It's not a bad place to be in... for the most part.

Comfort

A warm bowl of sliced fish soup while the cool evening breeze blows. A heated patch on my stiff neck. Compliments from colleagues on my first blog post for work. Photos of smiling family members as they remember and celebrate the life of a generous and warm man.

Rest

My uncle was cremated this morning and I continue to pray for his eternal rest. I believe he is in a much better place: no more suffering, no more pain, no more illness; just 100% pure and joyful rest.

While I have eternity to look forward to in the afterlife, I am also trying to get adequate rest in this life. One of my new year's resolutions is to sleep earlier so that I can wake up and start my day earlier. It's nearly 11 p.m. so I will say goodnight!

Sleep

Sleep that knits up the ravelled sleave of care
The death of each day's life, sore labour's bath
Balm of hurt minds, great nature's second course,
Chief nourisher in life's feast.
 
~William Shakespeare, Macbeth

Batchmates

Ten years after our college graduation, who would have thought ten of us from Batch 2001 would be sitting around having chicken rice in Singapore?

Reminders

I was reminded of the beauty of Creation as I walked around the Botanic Gardens this morning.

A 75-minute yin yang class reminded me why I love yoga - and that I should go back to class more often.

A 2-hour coffee meet-up with J was a reminder to continue the dream of taking up classes in creative writing. She gave me the best compliment: that I was a great example of balancing my corporate day job with my creative projects.

Sharing LGMH stories with C and E over dinner reminded me to wait in joyful hope, no matter what.

Gezelligheid

From Wikipedia: Gezelligheid (Dutch pronunciation: [ɣə'zɛləɣɦɛit]) is a Dutch abstract noun (adjective form gezellig) which, depending on context, can be translated as convivial, cosy, fun, quaint, or nice atmosphere, but can also connote belonging, time spent with loved ones, the fact of seeing a friend after a long absence, or general togetherness. The word is considered to be an example of untranslatability, and is one of the hardest words to translate to English.^[1] Some consider the word to encompass the heart of Dutch culture.^[2]  

I first heard this word from a friend who had a Dutch best friend. I confirmed the spelling and meaning with two Dutch friends of C we met tonight. Considering it was our first meeting, I believe I saw glimpses of gezelligheid, especially since we all did the Chicken Dance with gusto after fun random conversations about old TV shows and bad vacations (oh, and after two jugs of margaritas too!). Earlier today, the reunion with old friends C, A and B over lunch and walks down Haji Lane and the Kampong Glam area was also very gezellig. It is such a blessing that I could be myself in the company of both friends and strangers.

I also miss the gezelligheid of being at home - especially now that my family is remembering my dad's eldest brother (may he rest in peace). I miss sitting around the table talking about trivial things, eating or just hanging out. Our recent road trip was also priceless family time.

One of the Dutch guys asked what our resolutions were. I said: to write more. I should also add: to have more gezellig moments.

Manoy

I wonder what it feels like to have an older brother. I have the best older sister and younger brother a middle kid could ever ask for, but I sometimes wonder how life would be different if my mom didn't have two miscarriages before my sister. It's either there would be five of us kids, or if my parents decided to stop at three, then I wouldn't be around. It must be cool to have an older brother to ward off bullies and bad boyfriends, and to be a playmate or personal chauffeur.

My mom is the eldest and she has three younger sisters and four younger brothers. She never had a kuya as well. My dad is the youngest with four brothers and one sister before him. "Manoy" is kuya or older brother in Bikolano, the local dialect in my dad's hometown.

I don't know what it's like to have an older brother - and much less what it feels like to lose one. Tonight, my dad's eldest manoy passed away. I can only imagine the grief; how I wish I was now with my family - especially to my dad, my tita and my cousins - to give my support and love and hugs.

I know how much everyone looked up to our family's Manoy Ronnie. After my grandfather passed away at an early age, he took on a father figure for my dad and his siblings. I've often heard from my dad how grateful he is, and forever will be, as his manoy helped put him through school which paved the way for his life. Papa Ronnie must have sacrificed much to do that and so to me, this generosity and unselfishness will always define him as The Manoy in the family.

We will remember and miss you, Papa Ronnie a.k.a. Dadi-O.

Uncluttered

Out of clutter, find simplicity... (Albert Einstein)

I don't mind clutter but it sometimes gets to a point where I can't concentrate anymore. Yesterday I spent a few hours clearing my desk in the office and getting organized.  I'm not a neat freak but it got to the point where I couldn't find stuff as easily as I should be. I filed, shredded, and threw out stuff, and now I can see my desk again! I also set up a Do This Now priority tray for key tasks. The challenge is to keep things as neat and organized for the rest of the year. (Okay, should I be realistic and just aim for the rest of January first?)

Today I spent a few hours cleaning up at home. It's long overdue but the last few months have just been too busy for me. (Now is the perfect time too as my good friend C is coming to visit!) I fully unpacked from my recent trips, packed away my Christmas decorations, scrubbed bathroom tiles, re-organized my bookshelf, folded piles of laundry, and filed away bills and receipts. Not only can I see my desk again but I have space for my yoga mat!

Work

I spent more than 14 hours in the office today yet I still shut down with a smile.

Many say I'm a workaholic and I can't argue with them, but I don't want people feeling sorry for me because I really do enjoy my work. (Okay, I have my share of bad days, but those are pretty rare.)

"Dreams mean work," reads the last line in Paulo Coelho's By The River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept. I remember smiling when I read that line the first time. I can also say that doing good work means dreams can come true.

2011 marks my tenth year with the company. Months after graduating from college, frustrated from ho-hum interviews and not so promising offers, I can still remember sitting in a cafe and writing a random list of things I wanted in a dream job. Considering I am with my first employer, I still can't believe I got everything I asked for... and more.

I am one happy workaholic.

Nice

I know it's an overused and ordinary word but at the end of the day, that was how I felt. I looked it up on my new Dictionary.com App and it felt even more appropriate.

- adjective, nic-er, nic-est.
1. pleasing; agreeable; delightful: a nice visit.
2. amiably pleasant; kind: They are always nice to strangers.

This 365-day project is a good way to look back on the day and be grateful. So today,  I am thankful for:

• a nice first day back in the office with lots of pleasant conversations with colleagues
• a nice surprise, seeing my former boss M in the office again (yes, the boomerang works)
• a nice steady pace writing and editing my first blog post for work (watch out for it)
• a nice taxi driver who didn't mind waiting for a few minutes
• a nice half pint of beer and appetizers with E
• a nice evening with E, C, S and M (what a wonderful small world)
• a nice breeze at the Esplanade

Wouldn't it be nice if all days were like this?

Multitasking

It was an off-in-lieu holiday today so it was good to have one post-vacation day off just to catch up on several things. Last night, I had a mental check-list of possible things I could do today: unpack, go to the salon, get a massage, catch up on laundry, clean house, pack up the Christmas decorations, wrap belated Christmas gifts for my colleagues, sort through holiday photos from my camera and iPhone to upload, launch this 365 project, drop off donations for the Salvation Army, deposit a check, go to yoga class, etc.

I woke up past noon (yes, I love to snooze) and decided to multitask. It's nearly 10 p.m. and because I wasn't focused on any one thing, I didn't really get much done except for two loads of laundry, unpacking half of my suitcase, creating three new albums on Facebook, throwing out my dried-up poinsettias and miniature Christmas tree, and going out to buy wrapping paper. As I type this, I have a pile of clean clothes on my bed and several items to wrap... but I'm already sleepy. Argh. Lesson learned: Focus on finishing one thing before starting another.

But at least I got my third word for the third day of the year.

Home

Today is my last day at home for the holidays and I tried to pack pieces of home into my suitcase. A few books, some CDs, past creative projects, and food meant over $30 in excess baggage fees but a happier me.

Today I returned to my home-away-from-home and within 90 minutes from touchdown, I had dinner with one of my closest friends E. It's nice to be able to leave one place and go back to a happy routine.

Today is my parents' 39th wedding anniversary. The home that I know and love was created by them. I love how they have built a home for us here, there and everywhere, and have instilled the value of gratitude in our hearts.

I am homesick but I know I will always find a home wherever and whenever I am grateful.

Reunions

It was a wonderfully happy start to the year:

• Lunch with my mom's extended family, catching up with grandmas, aunts, uncles, cousins, nephews and nieces
  
• A quick visit and hello from J and K, two of my good friends from Uni, together with their kids J and M who are both my godchildren
• A chat over chocolate cake with my "big little sister" Y, my dad and older sister
  
• My sister and I laughing and reminiscing with an aunt, three cousins and nieces over homemade hot chocolate and cookies
  
• Visiting A and playing and being silly with my goddaughter L until almost midnight

I hope this means even more reunions this coming year. Bring them on!