Hope

Alleluia, He is risen! Alleluia!

I caught the Easter sunrise this morning along the East Coast Park and the early morning sun recharged my body as much as this weekend did my soul. 

After my reflections this weekend, I think it can be summed up with 1 Corinthians 13: 13. "And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. And the greatest of these is love." I have faith that love with bring Easter's hope to each and every day.

And as I do every year, allow me to share my all-time favorite poem by e.e. cummings, perfect for Easter and for Every Day:

i thank You God for most this amazing
day:for the leaping greenly spirits of trees
and a true blue dream of sky;and for everything
which is natural which is infinite which is yes

(i who have died am alive again today,
and this is the sun's birthday;this is the birth
day of life and of love and wings:and of the gay
great happening illimitably earth)

how should tasting touching hearing seeing
breathing any—lifted from the no
of all nothing—human merely being
doubt unimaginable You?

(now the ears of my ears awake and
now the eyes of my eyes are opened)

Reflection

"Silence! Be still!" 

Suddenly the wind stopped and there was a great calm. 

(Mark 4:39)

Taken at Little Guilin, Bukit Batok Town Park in Singapore

Retreat

I promised myself a personal retreat once a year. In random order, my retreats are a time to...

• pray
• enjoy the silence
• reflect
• take stock of life
• enjoy nature
• be thankful
• daydream
• say sorry
• write
• revisit my bucket list
• slow down
• find my center (again)
• take a "vacation with the Lord"

Offline

I'm going offline for my 3-day retreat. But cool that I got started with an online recollection from www.phjesuits.org!

I'm sure I'll have great Words to reflect on this weekend.

Review

I had my mid-year review today with my manager. I've been blessed with the opportunity to work with three of the organization's most respected and dynamic leaders, and they have all been awesome managers, coaches, and role models. As such, I've always looked forward to performance review discussions... seriously! It was my first review with my current manager who I only started reporting to in January and all went well. I've had a jam-packed first half of the year and am on track to meet the year's significant goals. We took note of things to prioritize in the coming months, and also discussed my development plan.

I'm also about to start my personal "performance review" - if I may call it that. I've been going on an annual silent retreat during the Lenten/Easter weekend since 2006 and it has been one of the best gifts I've given myself. It's a time for me to get away from the world, go on a "vacation with the Lord" as Fr. Thomas Greene, SJ calls it, enjoy the grand silence, and take stock of where I am in my life, my goals, and my bucket list of dreams. It has also been a good time to plant seeds for writing ideas. The last five years have been semi-directed, with the help of a spiritual director; this year, I will attempt to do a self-directed retreat. I'll set my own pace, my own itinerary, and my own reflection points. I've found really helpful resources online to get me started, and I am really excited for this much-deserved me-and-God-and-Universe time. Much like my earlier review, I'm hoping to revisit my priorities and design my personal development plan.

Kindness

"Don't say no to kind gestures," a wise friend once said to me. "Just pay it forward."

Today I had our general manager buy me breakfast, then our senior consultant buy me lunch. I am grateful and I promise that their kindness will be paid forward.

Thank you, I and B.

Sun

Here comes the sun
Here comes the sun, and I say
It's alright...

I started my day with sun salutations at a 7 a.m. yoga class.

I hope sunflowers can somewhat brighten up an empty apartment, even if only a little bit.

I caught the last rays of light as I left the office building.

I am looking forward to my Easter sunrise this Sunday.

I love being the younger sister who looks up to her big sister, much like a sunflower follows the warmth and looks up towards the sun.

Humbled

This word came loud and clear as soon as I stepped into Church for Passion Sunday this afternoon. I am thankful for the virtue of humility embodied in a Baby born in a manger, in a King riding triumphantly on a donkey, in a Teacher mocked and ridiculed for the truth he spoke of, and in a Savior who died out of absolute love.

I am humbled knowing my life is not mine to claim, that I am vulnerable and frail, and that I too shall return to dust or stardust. I am humbled knowing life is not for us to control, but to live.

I am humbled because I am loved by my God who always hears, even if I don't always listen. I am humbled that He cares enough to reach out and knows just how to touch my heart when I need it most. I am humbled that he calls me again and again and again.

I am humbled because I do not know what to say, yet this song by Don Moen sung today was a good place to start my self-directed Lenten retreat:


Lord, You seem so far away
A million miles or more it feels today
And though I haven't lost my faith
I must confess right now that it's hard for me to pray
But I don't know what to say and I don't know where to start
But as you give the grace with all that's in my heart

I will sing
I will praise even in my darkest time through the sorrow and the pain
I will sing, I will praise
Lift my hands to honor You because Your word is true
I will sing

Lord, it's hard for me to see 
All the thoughts and plans You have for me
But I will put my trust in You
Knowing that you died to set me free
But I don't know what to say and I don't know where to start
But as you give the grace with all that's in my heart

I will sing
I will praise even in my darkest time through the sorrow and the pain
I will sing, I will praise
Lift my hands to honor You because Your word is true
I will sing

Wisdom

J and I spent hours on Skype with our bestest friend T who had just said goodbye to her best friend and husband yesterday. He was called home to our Father in heaven after ten months fighting stupid cancer. For a wife's Day 1 without her other half, she was incredibly strong. Through our tears, J and I listened in utmost admiration to the wisdom of complete faith, acceptance and gratitude.

They were both ready and prepared for the worst. They didn't question why it had to happen to them. They accepted that there was a grand purpose behind it all. If it meant that people would revisit their lives and relationships with their loved ones, or work towards growing closer to God, then so be it - that was his purpose in life, he had served it, and he was ready to go.

They were also grateful for what they had: nearly 10 years of a loving relationship. They are one of my most favorite couples in the world. They were soul mates in the true sense of the word, joined at the heart and hip by faith, a wonderful sense of humor, and unconditional love. T was right: so many people search for a lifetime for what they had and she was just glad that she shared the life of a wonderful, wonderful, wonderful man. Even for a brief shining moment.

And he really was wonderful. A most authentic and amazing person. I only spent a few days every other year for the last few years with him, each time I'd visit T in Los Angeles on my way to or from Pittsburgh. But because he was my best friend's best friend, he always made me feel like I knew him so well. J and I loved him the first time we met him and we gave him the BFF seal of approval. I have fond memories of him picking me up at LAX since T was still at work, our road trips to San Diego, hanging out with my other favorite couple J and J, our random and silly YM chats. Rocking out on Garage Band. Eating at Extraordinary Desserts. And when they got together and I wasn't there, he printed a photo of me and propped me up in a manila folder so that I could "join" my girlfriends at Starbucks. And just last year: eating arroz caldo with him a few nights before their wedding, watching him gaze oh-so-lovingly and intently at his bride as she walked down the aisle and stood right by him, and hugging him goodbye with a happy heart. And a few months ago, his handwritten "We love you, `Ki" sign as I video-chatted with his wife.

As I sit here listening to the Beatles (he was a huge fan!), I can smile through the tears, grateful as well that I was able to get to know him, albeit not as much as I would have wanted to. He was a man who loved my best friend with all his heart, a friend who always made me feel the world was a happier place, a dag who always made us laugh, and a brave soul who inspire all of us to live and love like there's no tomorrow. And perhaps this is my glimpse of wisdom: in this spirit of gratitude, I will be able to make sense of the sadness, knowing that my life crossed paths with his to give me hope of true and undying love.

You will be terribly, terribly missed, dear Adrian.

When I find myself in times of trouble
Mother Mary comes to me

Speaking words of wisdom, let it be

And in my hour of darkness

She is standing right in front of me

Speaking words of wisdom, let it be

Let it be, let it be

Let it be, let it be

Whisper words of wisdom

Let it be

And when the brokenhearted people

Living in the world agree

There will be an answer, let it be

For though they may be parted

There is still a chance that they will see

There will be an answer, let it be

Let it be, let it be

Let it be, let it be

Yeah, there will be an answer let it be

Let it be, let it be

Let it be, let it be

Whisper words of wisdom

Let it be

Let it be, let it be

Let it be, yeah, let it be

Whisper words of wisdom

Let it be

And when the night is cloudy

There is still a light that shines on me

Shine on until tomorrow, let it be

I wake up to the sound of music

Mother Mary comes to me

Speaking words of wisdom, let it be

Yeah, let it be, let it be

Let it be, yeah, let it be

There will be an answer, let it be

Let it be, let it be

Let it be, yeah, let it be

Whisper words of wisdom

Let it be

Tears

One of my best friends T just called to tell me that her husband is at his final battle with cancer. It wasn't too long before we were both crying. I wish we didn't have the Pacific Ocean between us so I could be with her right there, right now.

I called up our other best friend J who is yet another ocean away. Another round of tears. And a recollection of our happiest times when we were all together - the last being their beautiful wedding in California last Spring. And more tears. And utmost admiration for a brave and lovely man with rock-solid faith and the biggest heart possible, and an equally amazing woman of such incredible strength and grace at the worst of times.

We may be far away, man, but we are right there with you in spirit... while over in Singapore and Sweden in tears and in prayer. We love you both, always.

Champion

I interviewed two HR leaders from one of our clients today as we'd like to capture their success story in print. I love it when I meet clients who are not just loyal customers but true champions - individuals who are so passionate about what they do and how we've been able to help or support their talent development initiatives. It's a good reminder for me that we really do make a big difference in the lives of many, many people. I can't wait to start writing their story...

Strangers

"A stranger is just a friend I haven't met yet." (Will Rogers)

Meeting up with fellow Third Culture Kids is definitely a night of strangers-turned-friends. We had a TCK meet-up hosted by the lovely and uber-positive M. It was a small group of seven strangers, friends and my sister, and a pleasant evening of catching up and sharing our stories.

I'm grateful that J, one of my best friends and a fellow TCK, introduced me to the book Third Culture Kids: The Experience of Growing Up Among Worlds when she did. It has helped to shed light on the self and to answer many questions I had growing up.

Hearing similar stories from strangers or friends reminds me that being a TCK is a gift. I celebrate it and keep in mind a line I wrote for www.tckbookproject.com - home is where the heart is grateful.

Fourteen

I pulled another 14-hour day today. There's so much to do, in so little time. Everything seems needed right now, if not yesterday or two weeks ago. I have to remember to breathe and just take things one at a time.

I once wrote a list of top ten things that I love about my work. The thing is, though I pull 14-hour days, I think I could re-write that list and make it a list of fourteen.

I can't believe I'm three months shy of my ten year anniversary at one of the Best Places to Work. Many people can't believe it when I say I still enjoy my work.

Half

Okay, I feel really bad that I haven't kept up with this 365-day project. I just did a quick calculation and if I had kept up with writing once a day, I should have had 101 posts by today. Except this is officially only my 51st entry so I have 50 words to catch up on (gulp) plus each day's word. I'm only halfway done. Can I catch up?

I think my blah-bug from earlier this year has not completely shaken off. It seems that I am seeing more things as half-empty rather than half-full... and this blog is definitely one of them! BUT... it's Monday today and Mondays are meant for starting things... or in my case, to re-start things. I don't want to give up just yet. I will try my darnedest to catch up which means that I need to write at least 3-4 words a day for the next few weeks.

It's daunting and discouraging to think 50 is half of 100. I need to revisit the last few months and write my 50 words. But then again, there are approximately 250,000 words in the English language and 50 is only 2/10,000 of that, not half.

Write, damn it. Write like your life depended on it. Write until you're full to the brim and overflowing again.

Junk

It's amazing how much junk I've accumulated in less than three years. I spent nine hours today doing my long-overdue Spring Cleaning and ended up with several trash bags of junk to throw out and several more paper bags of junk to donate. It got me thinking: how many bags, shawls, hankies, socks and kikay kits do I really need? And I didn't even have enough time to go through my stationery, accessories and make-up yet. I'll probably end up with another bag of junk, and more realizations of all the junk I've most likely bought on impulse. It's a good thing I live in a small space; otherwise, I would have been tempted to buy even more stuff which would later become junk. Now that I've seen how much stuff I don't need, I've made a mental note of the stuff that I should not be buying more of!

I didn't just throw my junk though. I took the time to get organized with all the stuff that's left. My cabinet and wardrobe are a joy to behold with containers and organizers and separate piles to keep similar things together. I didn't go overboard with color-coding or putting them in alphabetical order (well, I haven't fixed my CDs yet), but I did put labels on boxes and even folded my trash bags! Alas, my older sister would be proud. Hee-hee.

I'm tired but I'm happy - I actually feel a lot lighter! Less junk means more space to move and less stuff to dust. More organized stuff means less time looking for things. The biggest challenge now, of course, is to keep everything in its proper place and to not buy more stuff that I don't need!

Conversations

You, me, five bucks and good conversation. One of my favorite lines out of many memorable ones from the movie Reality Bites, and a line I was happily able to use for a blog post and article for work.

I started my Saturday with an enjoyable Skype video-chat with my parents, complete with show-and-tell of my dad's chocolate chip cookies and my brother's attempt at making tutu cakes. Then I had a 2.5-hour conversation between my body and my yoga mat, between yin and yang. The anticipated Mass reminded me in a timely way that prayer is an intimate dialogue with my God and Creator. Finally, the much-awaited dessert buffet at The Chocolate Bar atop the Marina Bay Sands was overrated, but the company of my Friday Girls and our witty non-stop conversation made it yet another memorable evening.

Yup, all I need is you, me, five bucks (okay, maybe more!) and good conversation.

Ready

We're getting ready for a new product launch next month. Yesterday, I prepared a table that outlines the key marketing milestones between now and the end of the calendar year. I put in the key tasks that need to be done week on week - and it will be crazy-busy to say the least!

Am I ready? I'm definitely ready... to see the stars turn plaid. (If you get this, that means you have also seen Spaceballs.)

Balance

C and I enjoyed our first Yoga Balance class tonight. The instructor reminded us that it wasn't just about physical balance, but a combination of balancing our body, our mind and our breath. He also said that we need to learn how to fall properly; when you know how to fall, there is no need to fear.

It was a tough class to say the least, but it was a good way to visualize and actualize my need to regain balance in my life as well as to let go of whatever fears I have - of falling and of other things. "It's time to break barriers," prods C.

Now to keep practicing...

Breathe

K and I learned new breathing techniques at a Yoga Relaxation class tonight. My favorite one was the Nodi Sudhona or "the sweet breath" or the Alternate Nostril Breathing Exercise. With the thumb and ring finger on opposite sides of the nose, we inhaled through one nostril for 4 counts and out through the other for 6 counts, and repeated ten times. The instructor said this exercise helps to balance our breathing, which helps to balance our brains. I didn't quite understand what he meant so I looked it up. Here's some interesting info I found online which highlights how each breath and breathing properly make all the difference, and how awesomely interconnected the human body is.


Purpose
The body's nasal cycle is linked to brain function: when one nostril is obstructed, brain activity decreases on the side of the brain opposite it. The purpose of alternate nostril breathing is to promote health and balance by oxygenating both sides of the brain equally, so creative and logical thinking are both at their prime.


Potential
Although the point is to breathe through both nostrils evenly for balance and to be healthy, alternate nostril breathing can be used to target specific needs. Breathing through the right nostril will promote sharper thinking and more energy, while breathing through the left nostril will calm you and increase creativity.