Effortless

Like most important things in life, relationships also require effort to make them work. I don't just mean a romantic relationship; dealing with our families, friends, and colleagues require us to:

• give and take
• be there
• listen
• talk
• resolve issues
• keep in touch
• initiate conversations and get-togethers
• understand
• provide space when necessary
• be sensitive to cues
• give feedback
• sacrifice
• be at your best behavior
• surprise with kindness
• be authentic

...and so on. But because we do it out of love, it actually feels effortless. We enjoy maintaining and enhancing a relationship because it is life-giving.

Then there are relationships that require much more than what you can give freely and gladly give. I once heard the term "emotional vampires" to describe those who just take and suck the very life out of you. There are meet-ups that feel more like a chore or an obligation, rather than something you sincerely look forward to. There are "nonversations" to keep everyone preoccupied (in between using our smartphones). There are times when people fall of the radar, withdraw and hide under a rock, or are just on a completely different phase in their lives. For some, it's worth fighting for and working out and keeping in touch, even if only for those semi-annual get-togethers. For others, especially if your own efforts aren't welcomed or reciprocated, perhaps it's best to just let go and move on. Making that decision is never easy of course.

Today I am particularly grateful for two friendships that are completely real yet effortless: conversations are non-stop, sincere admiration and respect can be felt, and we are just present and authentic. To C: thank you for the cake, coffee, conversation and planting seeds to renew my dreams. To T: thank you for spending the afternoon with me, but especially for sharing your pain, showing your strength, and restoring my faith in the power of hope. You both made my day!