Humbled

This word came loud and clear as soon as I stepped into Church for Passion Sunday this afternoon. I am thankful for the virtue of humility embodied in a Baby born in a manger, in a King riding triumphantly on a donkey, in a Teacher mocked and ridiculed for the truth he spoke of, and in a Savior who died out of absolute love.

I am humbled knowing my life is not mine to claim, that I am vulnerable and frail, and that I too shall return to dust or stardust. I am humbled knowing life is not for us to control, but to live.

I am humbled because I am loved by my God who always hears, even if I don't always listen. I am humbled that He cares enough to reach out and knows just how to touch my heart when I need it most. I am humbled that he calls me again and again and again.

I am humbled because I do not know what to say, yet this song by Don Moen sung today was a good place to start my self-directed Lenten retreat:


Lord, You seem so far away
A million miles or more it feels today
And though I haven't lost my faith
I must confess right now that it's hard for me to pray
But I don't know what to say and I don't know where to start
But as you give the grace with all that's in my heart

I will sing
I will praise even in my darkest time through the sorrow and the pain
I will sing, I will praise
Lift my hands to honor You because Your word is true
I will sing

Lord, it's hard for me to see 
All the thoughts and plans You have for me
But I will put my trust in You
Knowing that you died to set me free
But I don't know what to say and I don't know where to start
But as you give the grace with all that's in my heart

I will sing
I will praise even in my darkest time through the sorrow and the pain
I will sing, I will praise
Lift my hands to honor You because Your word is true
I will sing

Wisdom

J and I spent hours on Skype with our bestest friend T who had just said goodbye to her best friend and husband yesterday. He was called home to our Father in heaven after ten months fighting stupid cancer. For a wife's Day 1 without her other half, she was incredibly strong. Through our tears, J and I listened in utmost admiration to the wisdom of complete faith, acceptance and gratitude.

They were both ready and prepared for the worst. They didn't question why it had to happen to them. They accepted that there was a grand purpose behind it all. If it meant that people would revisit their lives and relationships with their loved ones, or work towards growing closer to God, then so be it - that was his purpose in life, he had served it, and he was ready to go.

They were also grateful for what they had: nearly 10 years of a loving relationship. They are one of my most favorite couples in the world. They were soul mates in the true sense of the word, joined at the heart and hip by faith, a wonderful sense of humor, and unconditional love. T was right: so many people search for a lifetime for what they had and she was just glad that she shared the life of a wonderful, wonderful, wonderful man. Even for a brief shining moment.

And he really was wonderful. A most authentic and amazing person. I only spent a few days every other year for the last few years with him, each time I'd visit T in Los Angeles on my way to or from Pittsburgh. But because he was my best friend's best friend, he always made me feel like I knew him so well. J and I loved him the first time we met him and we gave him the BFF seal of approval. I have fond memories of him picking me up at LAX since T was still at work, our road trips to San Diego, hanging out with my other favorite couple J and J, our random and silly YM chats. Rocking out on Garage Band. Eating at Extraordinary Desserts. And when they got together and I wasn't there, he printed a photo of me and propped me up in a manila folder so that I could "join" my girlfriends at Starbucks. And just last year: eating arroz caldo with him a few nights before their wedding, watching him gaze oh-so-lovingly and intently at his bride as she walked down the aisle and stood right by him, and hugging him goodbye with a happy heart. And a few months ago, his handwritten "We love you, `Ki" sign as I video-chatted with his wife.

As I sit here listening to the Beatles (he was a huge fan!), I can smile through the tears, grateful as well that I was able to get to know him, albeit not as much as I would have wanted to. He was a man who loved my best friend with all his heart, a friend who always made me feel the world was a happier place, a dag who always made us laugh, and a brave soul who inspire all of us to live and love like there's no tomorrow. And perhaps this is my glimpse of wisdom: in this spirit of gratitude, I will be able to make sense of the sadness, knowing that my life crossed paths with his to give me hope of true and undying love.

You will be terribly, terribly missed, dear Adrian.

When I find myself in times of trouble
Mother Mary comes to me

Speaking words of wisdom, let it be

And in my hour of darkness

She is standing right in front of me

Speaking words of wisdom, let it be

Let it be, let it be

Let it be, let it be

Whisper words of wisdom

Let it be

And when the brokenhearted people

Living in the world agree

There will be an answer, let it be

For though they may be parted

There is still a chance that they will see

There will be an answer, let it be

Let it be, let it be

Let it be, let it be

Yeah, there will be an answer let it be

Let it be, let it be

Let it be, let it be

Whisper words of wisdom

Let it be

Let it be, let it be

Let it be, yeah, let it be

Whisper words of wisdom

Let it be

And when the night is cloudy

There is still a light that shines on me

Shine on until tomorrow, let it be

I wake up to the sound of music

Mother Mary comes to me

Speaking words of wisdom, let it be

Yeah, let it be, let it be

Let it be, yeah, let it be

There will be an answer, let it be

Let it be, let it be

Let it be, yeah, let it be

Whisper words of wisdom

Let it be

Tears

One of my best friends T just called to tell me that her husband is at his final battle with cancer. It wasn't too long before we were both crying. I wish we didn't have the Pacific Ocean between us so I could be with her right there, right now.

I called up our other best friend J who is yet another ocean away. Another round of tears. And a recollection of our happiest times when we were all together - the last being their beautiful wedding in California last Spring. And more tears. And utmost admiration for a brave and lovely man with rock-solid faith and the biggest heart possible, and an equally amazing woman of such incredible strength and grace at the worst of times.

We may be far away, man, but we are right there with you in spirit... while over in Singapore and Sweden in tears and in prayer. We love you both, always.

Champion

I interviewed two HR leaders from one of our clients today as we'd like to capture their success story in print. I love it when I meet clients who are not just loyal customers but true champions - individuals who are so passionate about what they do and how we've been able to help or support their talent development initiatives. It's a good reminder for me that we really do make a big difference in the lives of many, many people. I can't wait to start writing their story...

Strangers

"A stranger is just a friend I haven't met yet." (Will Rogers)

Meeting up with fellow Third Culture Kids is definitely a night of strangers-turned-friends. We had a TCK meet-up hosted by the lovely and uber-positive M. It was a small group of seven strangers, friends and my sister, and a pleasant evening of catching up and sharing our stories.

I'm grateful that J, one of my best friends and a fellow TCK, introduced me to the book Third Culture Kids: The Experience of Growing Up Among Worlds when she did. It has helped to shed light on the self and to answer many questions I had growing up.

Hearing similar stories from strangers or friends reminds me that being a TCK is a gift. I celebrate it and keep in mind a line I wrote for www.tckbookproject.com - home is where the heart is grateful.

Fourteen

I pulled another 14-hour day today. There's so much to do, in so little time. Everything seems needed right now, if not yesterday or two weeks ago. I have to remember to breathe and just take things one at a time.

I once wrote a list of top ten things that I love about my work. The thing is, though I pull 14-hour days, I think I could re-write that list and make it a list of fourteen.

I can't believe I'm three months shy of my ten year anniversary at one of the Best Places to Work. Many people can't believe it when I say I still enjoy my work.

Half

Okay, I feel really bad that I haven't kept up with this 365-day project. I just did a quick calculation and if I had kept up with writing once a day, I should have had 101 posts by today. Except this is officially only my 51st entry so I have 50 words to catch up on (gulp) plus each day's word. I'm only halfway done. Can I catch up?

I think my blah-bug from earlier this year has not completely shaken off. It seems that I am seeing more things as half-empty rather than half-full... and this blog is definitely one of them! BUT... it's Monday today and Mondays are meant for starting things... or in my case, to re-start things. I don't want to give up just yet. I will try my darnedest to catch up which means that I need to write at least 3-4 words a day for the next few weeks.

It's daunting and discouraging to think 50 is half of 100. I need to revisit the last few months and write my 50 words. But then again, there are approximately 250,000 words in the English language and 50 is only 2/10,000 of that, not half.

Write, damn it. Write like your life depended on it. Write until you're full to the brim and overflowing again.